Having a baby changes everything.

Johnson & Johnson's is speaking serious truth here. I really can't believe how my outlook on everything has changed since having Hunter. Today at work I had to eval a 10 week old in a coma. Prior to having Hunter, this really wouldn't have phased me. I know that seems cold, but you can't really do my job if you are going to fall apart with every sob story that walks through the door, because the truth is that each one of them is a tragedy (some just a little bigger than others). But today just looking at this sweet boy with his trach and g-tube and contractures made my chin start quivering and my eyes tear up. I felt like I should be locked up for the torture I was about to put him through. He reminded me so much of Hunter, and I couldn't bear the thought of my sweet boy enduring that.


I feel blessed beyond . . . there's not even an adequate word to put here. Every night I lay in bed and realize that I love my boys more than the day before, which I hadn't thought possible. I am in AWE OF YOU LORD, because I so don't deserve all that I have. What an incredible, indescribable thing to be able to love James and Hunter the way I do. I didn't know these feelings existed before Hunter - he makes me love my husband and my God more each day. I seriously reflect on what a sinner I am and how it is not fair that God has provided me with so much. One of my favorite songs states, "You see the depths of my heart, and You love me the same. You are amazing God." And that is so inspirational to me. What an excellent reminder of God's love and sovereignty. Although James and I didn't feel like we were ready for Hunter yet, God knew better as always. Words do not begin to scratch the surface in explaining how unconditionally I love Hunter. How I would do anything to protect him and raise him up to be a happy and joyful and godly man one day.



Thanks for reading. I know it was a change of pace for me. Who couldn't love these guys . . .





And because I love y'all so much, I'm posting a picture with my new haircut even though I look totally fat and have some serious visible cellulite in my arms here.