There's nothing adequate to put here.

How do I start?

Hunter will be 8 months tomorrow. I really can't believe it. It seems like yesterday that he looked like this

and now he looks like this

I say it every month, but literally time flies by. I've been feeling really sentimental today because I was at a feeding course all day and have never been away from Hunter that long (almost 11 hours). Luckily the course is extremely interesting, so it went by really quickly. I still couldn't wait to get home to see him, though! I came through the door and his reaction made it all worth it. Everyday when I get home from work he smiles so big and starts waving his hands up and down in excitement making those sweet, deep, happy "uh" sounds. And as I suspected today was no different. How lucky am I to have someone love me that much!

And now that sweet boy is asleep in his bed, and I'm sitting here with this unbelievable feeling of thankfulness. My heart is so full. Every night I lie in bed and am in awe of what God has given me. I cannot believe the love that I have for my husband and my son. It is indescribable. There are no words.

Yet, I still have moments like this. . .
My dear friend wrote in her blog today about her son's first attempts at crawling. She was talking about how she was sad in a way because he was growing up so quickly. Her son was born 23 hours before Hunter, so often I relate to what she is feeling. But today my immediate reaction as I read was jealousy and worry and sadness and finally shame. Many of y'all know that I've felt this many times because I am the WORST at comparing Hunter to all of his friends who are (for the most part) more motorically advanced then him. I am so happy for each of them when they reach their milestones, but my sin is so great that I almost immediately make it about me. I feel ashamed that I can't stop comparing him to others. He is where he is, which is exactly where God wants him and has put him. He's not even delayed so WHAT is my problem? I always thought that because I was a therapist who worked with delayed and disordered kids that I'd have a really healthy attitude about this with my kids, but apparently I am a crazy freak show of a mother.

This parenting thing has already turned out to be way harder than I anticipated. There is so much guilt involved. When you love another human that much I think Satan tries to attack you there whether it be with guilt or jealousy or even pride.

Despite my irrational moments of obsessive comparing and worry, I feel completely happy and joyful and blessed by the gift God has given me in my family. My husband is an amazing servant to me and our son, and my son is the cutest, cuddliest, sweetest baby ever. And that is more than enough. More than I deserve and more than I could ask for. God is good.