Something to make you smile. . .

I am totally not prepared for the cold weather even though I've had puh-lenty of time since it took so dang long to feel even remotely like the fall. (We'll blame it on being a first time parent.) So I've been dressing Hunter in his jackets and cuddling him really tight when we are outside. That works just as good as a nice heavy coat, right?

Well on Sunday for church I put him in a sweater and cords and a matching hat so his little head wouldn't freeze since he has limited hair up there. This is what he looked like before we got in the car.
Our little railroad engineer. Serious cuteness here.

And this is what he looked like when we arrived at church. That's right ladies and gentlemen. Gangsta Hunter has made his first appearance. That sweet little baby turned his hat around and thugged it out.

Once he got to the nursery, he totally wore himself out crying because he REFUSES to take a nap in that place. This is the case every.single.sunday. (grrr) So of course he fell asleep on the way home, and this is what he looked like when we pulled into the garage. For real, you can't get any cuter than that. Ah, warm fuzzies. (smile)

Giving Thanks

Hunter had a great first Thanksgiving! We are so thankful to have such a happy, smiling, healthy little boy. This video is long, but worth it:).

There's nothing adequate to put here.

How do I start?

Hunter will be 8 months tomorrow. I really can't believe it. It seems like yesterday that he looked like this

and now he looks like this

I say it every month, but literally time flies by. I've been feeling really sentimental today because I was at a feeding course all day and have never been away from Hunter that long (almost 11 hours). Luckily the course is extremely interesting, so it went by really quickly. I still couldn't wait to get home to see him, though! I came through the door and his reaction made it all worth it. Everyday when I get home from work he smiles so big and starts waving his hands up and down in excitement making those sweet, deep, happy "uh" sounds. And as I suspected today was no different. How lucky am I to have someone love me that much!

And now that sweet boy is asleep in his bed, and I'm sitting here with this unbelievable feeling of thankfulness. My heart is so full. Every night I lie in bed and am in awe of what God has given me. I cannot believe the love that I have for my husband and my son. It is indescribable. There are no words.

Yet, I still have moments like this. . .
My dear friend wrote in her blog today about her son's first attempts at crawling. She was talking about how she was sad in a way because he was growing up so quickly. Her son was born 23 hours before Hunter, so often I relate to what she is feeling. But today my immediate reaction as I read was jealousy and worry and sadness and finally shame. Many of y'all know that I've felt this many times because I am the WORST at comparing Hunter to all of his friends who are (for the most part) more motorically advanced then him. I am so happy for each of them when they reach their milestones, but my sin is so great that I almost immediately make it about me. I feel ashamed that I can't stop comparing him to others. He is where he is, which is exactly where God wants him and has put him. He's not even delayed so WHAT is my problem? I always thought that because I was a therapist who worked with delayed and disordered kids that I'd have a really healthy attitude about this with my kids, but apparently I am a crazy freak show of a mother.

This parenting thing has already turned out to be way harder than I anticipated. There is so much guilt involved. When you love another human that much I think Satan tries to attack you there whether it be with guilt or jealousy or even pride.

Despite my irrational moments of obsessive comparing and worry, I feel completely happy and joyful and blessed by the gift God has given me in my family. My husband is an amazing servant to me and our son, and my son is the cutest, cuddliest, sweetest baby ever. And that is more than enough. More than I deserve and more than I could ask for. God is good.

Conversations with Hunter

Hunter and Gideon's Playtime Chat

Hunter: Hey, that's my bear-cat-obscure animal rattle thingy.

Gideon: You can have your rattle thingy. I just want to eat your hand.

Hunter: Mom! Gideon took my bear-cat-obscure animal rattle thingy.

Gideon: I still want to eat your hand.

Gideon: I'll just eat the bear-cat-obscure animal rattle thingy instead of your hand. Let's be best friends!

Hunter: Ooooh a blue block. With jeans on it!

(I meant for there to be a big space here to separate the stories, but once again the blogspot conspiracy outsmarts me.)

Early Riser

Mom! You heard my morning call for you! I'm so happy to see you!

Whoa. Chill with the flash will ya? It's too early for your crazy picture taking shenanigans.

And the anxiety begins. . .

The last several weeks have ushered in many changes for us. Probably the most exciting for me is Hunter's new tooth. . .
I know the spit makes it hard to see, but it's down there on the bottom right. I've been obsessively checking his mouth for teeth like every other day. Not that I really wanted him to have one. I was actually kind of nervous about feeding him with teeth, but so far all of the discomfort and pain that I've agonized over in relation to pregnancy and delivery and breastfeeding have turned out to be way worse in my head than when I actually live it. And of course the same was true tonight when Hunter decided to bite me. No biggie. I'm tough now. Having a baby seriously makes you feel like the strongest person ever.

(For your entertainment, here's an illustration: I have always been severely afraid of needles. For real. Every year when I get a flu shot at work, I make one of the child life specialists sit with me and do guided imagery or whatever they call it. Not this year though. I walked up to Toby and didn't even make him calm me down or page a child life specialist or hold my hand or anything. Somehow all of the pokes and prods (and epidural needles!) neccessary to push out an 8 pound baby, make a tiny little flu shot seem insignificant. This perspective would've been nice years ago. Y'all I have to confess my mom used to have to hold me down for my booster shots. We're not just talking elementary school either. Picture late high school.)

Anyway, so the tooth. Super cute. I stare at it all the time.

A not so exciting change we've been experiencing is the dreaded separation anxiety. I have to admit, this might be causing me more anxiety than Hunter. Or maybe it's more separation stress for me . . . or separation irritation . . . or separation frustration. Hunter needs me with him ALL THE TIME. If I walk into the kitchen - where he can still see me - we get crying. If I sit on the couch while he plays on the ground, we get crying. James has even been holding him while I walked out of the room, and we get crying. Although I do get frustrated at times, I have to confess that deep down I really love that he loves me so much! And how could you stay frustrated at this sweet face anyway?